Dreams and Innocence, Releasing Control
What is there to learn from this time of death we call the autumn? What does goddess want us to learn? What do we attribute to this time when everything dies? We have to live and we have to embrace life. What do we need to embrace? Is it running off to work, paying the bills, playing with friends, walking the dog? No. That is too mundane for life,it seems. On Halloween I had the most profound experience ever. People who were once here and are gone now came to visit. Memories rekindled for all to relish in. Even in something as simple as a pocket watch, a nick name, braiding hair, that is what they are. That can’t be what is to be embraced completely about life. No. It is the innocence. The innocence of the self. Do you remember your innocence? Do you remember when you were innocent? Have you always been innocent? No. You are, more than likely, not innocent anymore. No one is really innocent anymore. You have been conditioned to grow up. We have been conditioned to see reality. Wake up, go to work, talk to your friends, have a drink, go home, go to sleep, start the cycle over again. That is not innocence. For those of you that truly believe that, it is an illusion.
Do you remember when you were a child and you could see the sparkling lights in the sky? A lot of you made up stories about them I am sure. In Under the Tuscan Sun, the female character recalls chasing fireflies as a child. She would eventually get tired and fall asleep in the grass. When she would wake, she would be covered in fireflies. I remember sitting outside as a child catching them and putting them in a bottle. I was young and simple at the time, and I would forget to put holes in the lid and they would die. What is the innocence of that experience? Simply put, I thought I could keep that light alive without air. Even then, as a child, I never really understood why the fireflies light up. I didn’t understand why the light died when you didn’t give them air. I just wanted to keep that thing alive.
I will tell you what life is. It is your innocence and your dreams. There was a quote that I always remembered growing up. “Shoot for the moon, and, even if you miss, you will land among the stars.” I am not sure who wrote it, and it may be anonymous. It captures the innocence and the dreams that we all have deep down. For some of us, that’s all we have. How do we keep our dreams alive? Well a logical earth sign would say that you have to do something every day towards that goal. An air sign might say that you need to make a plan to keep it alive. A fire sign would tell you to take action. A water sign would tell you to love it and play with it. All of these are the attributes to the dreams and out own innate innocence. Being imaginative and creative, and manifesting it into our life. I would surmise to say the above would be the components for building a good fairy tale; therefore creating the perfect happy ending.
Everything that I have described has all been earthly actions. They have all been things that we do. I want to go to medical school and do all of these great and wonderful things. There are so many things in the way. Filling out applications, taking exams, more classes, and they can be overwhelming. This is so great that I have started to wonder if it is worth it anymore. And then it happened. I had a reminder during a reflection of a memory of my childhood. I told my mother that I was going to go to Paris one day, and I did eventually. I lived there for 6 months and speak the language fluently. I had that goal as a very young boy. I remember that I would play in the fields and imagine the different places that I would visit. I remember that getting there was very fun for me. When I was a bit older I decided that I wanted to be a doctor and help people. These two memories are my aspects of my innocence, big thinking and believing that it would happen. I didn’t call them goals at that age, I called them dreams. What was your innocent dream that you have forgotten? Why did you think that you could not accomplish that? Why do you still think that you can’t?You have just forgotten. I will tell you why you have forgotten. You were put under the belief that it was simply a dream. You were told that it can’t be done, and that you have to do something that will create money to have a life. As I said earlier, that is not life. That is a structure and a condition. Our life is our innocence and our dreams. It is what we do and what keeps us motivated and aspiring for better.
I caught myself this evening messaging a sergeant of mine and he asked me what I was doing. I told him that I was trying to sort things out. And I finally said “here is what I need to do. I want to go into medical school to be a physician. They are lofty goals and higher than anything I have ever done, but I don’t know how to do it. I don’t know how to keep this dream alive when everything challenging falls into my lap.” I said to him, “I just need to let the gods do the work now, because it’s not like I have been able to do much on my own.” There was quite a bit of sarcasm in that phrase. But then I reminded myself of all of the wondrous things that I have accomplished. My fire is not out, but I don’t know which direction to go. I need to ask for help. Which isn’t weakness by the way, it is a deep strength.
On that note I pulled out my pendulum and I asked the gods. I took out a piece of paper and on one side wrote nursing school and the other medical school. I asked if I would be accepted to nursing school and was given a no. I asked again if my destiny is to be a doctor. Let me tell you this from that experience; if you want a definitive answer, ask a pendulum about your destiny. It became so heavy and started to spin so fast I had to put it down. It was an amazing experience.
After that, I did some research on how to get into the program, and found it to be rather overwhelming. I don’t know how to navigate these waters. And that is when it came to me. I need to give it away. The desires that I want, though there are many ways to get there, I need to give it to the universe, to the gods. I need to let them drive the ship for once. It’s not that I doubt my own abilities to control my life. That is not the question. What I am saying is I don’t know how to drive the boat anymore. I have to let fate take over for a spell. I need to simply ask for help to make the changes I want in my life. This brought me back to innocence and dreams. I didn’t know at 5 years old how to get to Paris. All I knew is that I would need to take a plane. I didn’t have a plan for that. I just voiced the want to go there. 12 years later I was in Paris. So there it is.
When you don’t have the energy anymore, and you don’t know how to navigate the uncharted waters, you simply say “here, I want to do this”. You declare it, and you let someone else drive for a little while. How terrifying an idea that is. Letting someone else determine your direction. For the water signs, it is natural for them to let things flow, and to just go along with it. How scary that must be for the rest of us. Declare what you want, and you give the control of that to the universe. Let the universe, and the gods, drive the boat. They will tell when you are going to take over again. You become more like water, and go with the flow. Water is a very good thing, even though it has wreaked havoc over the last year. It is healing, and flowing. We can’t always be fire, earth, or air. Sometimes we just need to be something else.
There are many of you out there thinking that I am full of it. That is fine. That is what you have been conditioned to think life is. You think that you need to wake up and go to work and just wash, rinse, repeat. You feel that you have to forget about your innocence and your dreams. To the rest of you remember your innocence and that there is truth in that. Everyone’s truth is different. And oh what a happy day that will be when we stop trying to catch your fireflies and just let them find us.
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